Big Billy

Just for all of you fucks that dont know.
I got a new journal, cause i wanted one.
It "mybrokensmile"
Add me you fucks, this is the last entry for "ikfun"
Later bitches

I got a new journal.
Its not friends only
But i will prolly make it.
I have already added all of you,
Its mybrokensmile
Later nigs, This is prolly the last entry in this one.

Hey friends
Its billy.
What up wit u Nocka's?
Hahaha, anyway.
U are all so beautiful.
:)

I want to thank A very special friend.
You always help me when im down.
Somthing happened to me this morning.
It hurt me really bad.
It didnt help the fact that i was around HER all day.
But then I came and saw You.
You helped me out alot.
Just talkin to you, made me realize.
It aint so bad.
Im not a bad person.
Your right, I really do think i am an alright guy.
Thank you so much.
I really needed you.
And you came threw, like the angel you are.
Your always there, and i havent been noticing you.
Untill tonite.
We were sitting there, Talkin.
And It hit me.
You've been there all along.
You have helped me.
You have givin me eveything i needed.
When She HURt me all those times, u were always there for me to cry with.
You are a really great person
And I have been takin Ur greatness for granted.
But not anymore.
I actually feel really good right now.
Its not the person that waas the problem.
It was me.
I was lookin for love in all the wrong places.
It wasnt that I loved you
I just loved....
Anyway.
Things are better this way.
We never would have went anywhere.
And Thanks once agin to YOU!
You arre an amazing person.

Well my friends, Im really tierd
You know, when i think hard.
And also that long "Conversation"
I am really wore out.
Peace and love to my friends.
You are all so wonderful.
Billy

(Chillin like a pimp)

Well friends.
I was givin my chance.
I failed miserably.
Everyone knew i would.
How could i make someone happy.
I such a fucking Worthless ass hole.
I hate myself so much, Cause i couldnt make you happy.
I couldnt keep u "Content"
U gave me the chance, thats what i wanted.
No there is no chance.
I will never have u agin, and that thought kills me.
Why do i have to be so pathetic.
All I have wanted for like 2 fuckin months was to be with you.
It finally came, and I fucked it up.
i fuck up everything.
Just so yuo know
U are still the most beautiful, wonderful, Funny gurl i fell for.
I dont blame u for not wanting me.
Shit, when i look in the ,mirror, i HATE MYSELF.
Im going to go.
Im back to where i started.
Im back to hating my-self.
Im back to not wanting to get up in the morning.
IM ALONE!
Billy

(Im sorry i failed you. Im sorry I wasnt good enough. Im sorry i cant be PERFECT!)

He goes in his room. He sits at his chair. He turns the Music up. He pulls out her picture. He stares at it, And He starts to smile about bhow happy she makes him. Then he starts to cry, cause he realizes he will never be good enough for her. Then he thinks about how much he is going to ruin her life. If only they coyuld have meet in a perfect world. So he kisses the picture. Then puts it in his shirt pocket. Then he turns the radio off. Walks out on to his pourch. Then he looks up at the moon, with the teary soked eyes, As if he was saying good bye. Then he walks back in his room. Sits in his favorit chair. And stares at all of his friends pics on the wall. He starts to cry agin. He stops, wipes his eyes, and then he gets up and turns out the light. As he sits in the dark, he puts the gun in his mouth, and squeezes the trigger.

Its a sad thing to realize you'll never be good enough for the one you love. It hurts evan more to realize, ull never mean anything to her.

Billy

(Missing you)

I am sorry im so discusting.
Im sorry i gross you out.
What is the point when your own gurl friend dosent find u attractive.
And cringes at the very touch of you.
All I wanted to do was hold you tonite.
Just have u lie there in my arms, so We could both be comfotable.
I guess i cant provide you with that comfort.
Im sorry.
Why do u move away when i try and hold u close.
Am I really that unpleasent to be around.
Why do you wish to not touch me.
I Havent evan wanted to kiss you, Cause i know you would move away in disgust.
I dont just desire A physical relationship.
But It would be nice, I mean fuck, Im a cuddeler.
Sorry, thats the way im made.
Im so sorry I am so gross.


Im done bitching for now.
I just wanted to get that off my chest.
Im out this bitch.
Church in the mourning.
Billy

(I feel so unwanted)

HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU DO THAT!
That really showes me how much are friendship means to you.
FUCK YOU!
Billy

(Never remind me)

So im sittin here, and i cant sleep. I layed in bed for awhile. Tosed And turned for awhile. Then i just decided to get up and get on here. I cant stop thinkin about you. I dont know why u are always in my head. U are in my head so much it hurts. U shouldnt be. I know Ill never have your love, But i cant help but love you. This isnt a problem. I dont want you to freak out and worry. I am just putting my mind on paper. I am venting, cause i cant sleep. I am so happy to be with you. Im glad we are together. I hope nothin can come between us. I hope NO ONE can come between us. I know ppl will try. Hopefully we will stay strong, who knows, right?

I had a pretty fun day. I hung out with my friends all day. It was great. Mainly Billy and Kathy, cause I dont get to see them, they are both in school. Billy goes to Tri-State, and Kathy goes somewhere in Gorgeia(?), an art school. Anyway. We all pretty much hung out untill around 8, Then me and Penny went and Got Joe and bub.
I decided to stop at Marsh and Pick my baby up a rose, just because I think she deserved it, for being so great. Then I took it to her, She had A friend there, so i didnt want to stay. Then, As we are leaving, She had More friends pull up, so im sure she was pretty occupied. We went back to the P.O. and We all watched the pimpist Movie in the world. "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" I was just sittin there thinkin about shit. Mostly Kayleen. I didnt really get to see her that much today, just that one time. I really missed her today. She hasnt got to meet Kathy yet, and kathy really wants to meet her. But I think Kayleen wants to hang out with me tomoarrow(today) and I think Kathy is going to try and meet her then. I hope tomoarrow is fun. I dont have plans For easter. So after church, ill prolly go home and sit around all day. O-well, ill find somwhere to go. Well, i am going to get off of here. I REALLY hope you liked the rose. I got the most beautiful one they had, But it still wasnt as beautiful as you. Good night my friends. I hope all is well for you.
Billy

:::I wanna know you. Everything about you:::

(I miss you baby)

FUCK THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Im so board. Im so tierd.

Fuck it

Imdone billy

Is it wrong to wanna hold you? Is it wrong to wanna lay next to you. Is it wrong to wanna see u all the time. Is it wrong to wanna Hold your hand. Is it wrong to wanna kiss you. I am scared to do the wrong thing around you. I wonder what your thinkin. I wonder what you would do if i tried to hold your hand. I wonder what you would do if i tried to kiss you. I just wonder when i look at you, what you are thinkin. I sit there, and look at the pretty smile upon your face as u lay there, and Laugh. I wonder if i am making you as happy as you are making me. I love to sit with you and Stare into your beautiful eyes. I fall into them. And At that moment, i feel secure. I feel happy. Im scared that oneday you will see that i am a loser. i am scared oneday you'll realize that i am not good enough for you. I dont want to lose you. I would do whatever i have to to keep you Happy. You are such a great person. I know when i wake up, that i am the luckiest guy on earth. I know that i DONT deserve you. I know that you'll always make me happy. You give me a reason to get up. I dont just wanna lay around, i wanna get up and do somthing. I wanna see you. i wanna hold you. I wanna lay next to you and look u in the eye. I wanna hold your hand. I wanna kiss you. i just wanna be with you.

Kathy came home tonite. We all went and Ate a Steak and Shake. I think we are all going to hang out tomoarrow. Kathy really wants to meet Kayleen. So i am going to try and get my baby over to the P.O. Tomoarrow to meet Kathy.

Well, i am off to sleep.
Goodnight my friends.
Billy

Kayleen, YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL!

(Still smiling)

I WONT EVER GIVE UP! I WONT EVER STOP TRYIN! I'll ALWAYS be here

Billy

Well, hey friends.

Nothing really to write about. I do all my best writing when im depressed. The truth is, im not depressed. I havent been for a few days. I am really starting to be ghappy. I also think YOU are too. Well later everyone.

Billy

KAYLEEN GOOD is the best, most wonderful, amazing, Fantastic, excellent, most BEAUTIFUL Gurl i know.

Hahaha, I know u hate that baby. But its the truth. Ur great. Bye babe

FUCK YOU!!!!!!

Billy

Hey kids, this Journal has a point, so please read.

The Problem:It looks like some ass-hole has been getting on my name, and trying to start shit. He has im'ed sevreal of my friends, and has said some pretty stupid things. They have been trying to start drama, it looks like, between me and My baby. I dont know why, we just got together. this is what i have been wanting for the longest, and They seem to want to fuck it up. They have been telling my friends that i have been cheating on Kayleen with my ex Sophiea, thats so fuckin stupid. I Would NEVER do that. They have been talkin as if they were me. It really pisses me off. I have never cheated, and i never would. So fuck that, and whoever the littel imature basterd(s) is, FUCK YOU!

The Soulution: My computer broke on me lastnight, so since then, i havent been online. And I wont be untill i get it fixed, and that probaly wont be soon. And When i do get it fixed, i am going to create a whole new screen name, i will let all my friends know it. So if "I" Im you Dont pay attention. Okay, thank you my friends.
Im utta here, OIm going to spend some time with my baby:)

Peace and love
Billy

Hey everybody. Lastnight was a good night. I had fun. Went with Adem, Chris, Reann, And My baby Kayk. It was lots of fun. First out "Strata" Played, and ther set was fuckin awsome. This was my first time hearing them, and they did excellent. Then The guys from "SmileEmptySoul" Came out and they rocked like a muther fucker too. And the "Trapt" Ended the night. they were pretty good. I just wanted everyone to know i had a great night.

Also, I know latly i have seemed really down to you somtimes, but im not. I am in such a great fuckin mood, I cant evan belive. I have just been really sick, And my body wont allow me show my Smiles. But I just want you to know, I am really happy, and I really enjoy being with you. And when i get over this stupid cold, U will ALL see how happy i am. So just know that I am really enjoying life right now.

Well im outta here, just wanted to update, and get that shit out.
Peace and Love my friends.
Billy

(Still Smiling)

Trapt concert tonite. I am not reall excited about Trapt. I really wanna see Story of the Year. And Smile Empty Soul. Those are the ones im stoked for. Its gonna be great fun. I cant wait!!!

Going with some awsome ppl. My baby Kayk is gonna be there:) Adem is going as-well. Also Chris, and Reann will be there. Like I said, some GREAT ppl.

I woke up this mourning, and I felt so good. I didnt want to cry, I didnt want to just lay there forever. I couldnt wait to get up and start my day. I was just so Excited. I have been waiting for this for a long time, and Now its here, and i couldnt be any happier. I feel so great today. Im still alil sick, but i am in a GREAT mood. I dont want to say you Make me happy, cause I dont want you to feel like you have to make me happy, or For you to think that U will make me so unhappy if things dont work out, But hey, I know they will. I just want to say that you are HELPING me be happy. So thank you baby.

Well, im out this bitch. I got alot to do today. Later my friends.
Billy

(smiling to much)

Well
what can i say
Today was so Fuckin AWSOME!
All this time.
All this trying.
All this waiting.
It finally happened.
I still cant belive it.
I asked her to be my gurl, and she said yes.
From then on, i was nuthin but OVERJOYED!
We hung out All day. I loved every minute of it.
I was really sick all day, and i should have went home and slept
But all i wanted to do was be with her.
Its still werid that she is my gurl friend.
But its AWSOME.
Well, Trapt tomoarrow.
Me and my gurl will be there(Hear that bitches, MY GURL, HAHA)
And Adem Will be there as-well.
Also Chris and Reann.
So it should be fun.
Well im really sick, and tierd.
Im off here.
Peace and love to my friends
Billy

Thank you Kayleen, for the wonderful day.
You are so Beautiful

(Great mood)

All i can say is....

WHAT A FUCKING DAY AND NIGHT!

I had such a great day and night. All I did was hang out with my KayK. I cant think of anything better. I Really did have a good time Kayk, Trust me. Tomoarrow I got church, Hell yes. And then I think i am going back to Kayks, and spending the rest of the day with her and her family:) Well im off. I just wanted to Let you know i had a great time. Wel my friends, im out. Peace and love to you al. And GOD rules!

Billy

 

(Tomoarrow)

You are an angel of the forest. You love to have a
good time and to get in trouble. For you, it's
all fun and games. You like to have friends,
preferably not human, and can converse with all
animals. You love to party, and like to be
alone. You are a deep person, but most people
miss it. Thinking that you are just childish
and young. Which you are not. You are old, and
wise, even if nobody can see it. You know what
the real world is like, better that your peers.
You have a naturally beatiful singing voice,
and are a natural with most instruments.
You can often loose your self. But will always find
yourself again. For that is just who you are.

Be happy. Never change. Because you are beautiful.


What Type Of Angel Have You Become?
brought to you by Quizilla

Well, i had fun last night. We wnt to the show. it kicked ass. I got to see "Underoath" They were decent. I also got to hear "Haste the Day" for the first time. They are fuckin awsome. I also got to see NORMA JEAN!! hell yeah bitches. I went with Dave, Joe, Sara, And Kayleen. I wasnt feeling to good all day. I didnt evan wanna go. Thats why i was a dick in the car Kayleen, and Sara, Im sorry. After i got to the show, and met some ppl i started feelin better. I met Daves Gurl Sarah, Ur right Dave, she is fuckin Awsome. I also Met her friend Steph, She FUCKIN RULES!!!!! She is so hardcore, its hott. We hung out for alittel while, Untill NORMA JEAN, then tey went off to Mosh. Steph was moshin all hardcoe, it was hott. But Not as Hott As My Kayleen. She was one ontense littel Bitch(no offesne) She was Moshin, and crowd surfin, and she was so GOD DAMN Hott foing it! Yeah, Thats my gurl, Haha. During "Underoath" I wasnt feelin to good, But i got better. I had fun. It was a good night, Except Kayleen being all mad at me toward the end of the night, I hate it when she is mad at me. I Care for her SO MUCH, and i tears me up when i know i have upset her. She means the world to me. I dont want her bein pissed at me. So im sorry Kayk. Well Kids it  was fun for the most part. Sorry for those who couldnt attened. Im getting off here now, I gotta go get ready. I am hoping to Take Kay to the movies. *crosses fingers* So we will see what happens, I dont really care what we do though, as long as we do it together. And O Yeah, U should have told me about the ass hole that grabed ur ass, it would have pleased me alot to beat his ass. Anyway. im done. I know this isnt alot, i only updated for one reason anyway.

Peace and love to all my friendsAnd God loves you. I out did bitch. Later.

Billy

 

(sunday)